Easter Takes The Cake » Waiting on Martha
my friend Pete literally makes me cry with his snap stories
this is me, i am pete, love me
i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun
sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard
ive seen this post umpteen times and ive always thought that if you switched u and i around it wouldn’t make sense like “u touched a” and i literally just realised you meant duck and not dick i swear to god i am the biggest fucking idiot.
Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.
This can save lives
step on a crack, break your mother’s back, Lil’ Jon got the beat that make your booty go clap
Go to work & wish I was home.
Have a snack.
Get distracted by sex.
Continue having sex.
Take a shower.
Have sex in the shower.
Go to sleep.
do dogs think in barks